Day 71 of 365: Swilla Corey

Another crappy sub character that I am using to stretch this thing to 365 days. This may be my worst drawing as I did it in the bathroom at work on three separate trips and used no reference. I need my references because I lost my imagination in a devil based violin contest.

Swilla Corey was a female Human jerba tender and pickpocket who lived on Tatooine. Born a slave, she was liberated by raiding Karazak slavers while her master was visiting Tatooine. She decided to make a new life for herself on the desert planet, and continued doing what she had done as a slave: tended to animals. She found limited amounts of work at local ranches, and was able to make ends meet.

Holy christ, that was a boring summary. Here is a revised version I made to counteract that awfulness:

Swilla Corey was a female Human dinosaur and pickpocket who raised ghosts on Tatooine. Born a rocket ship captain, she was liberated by raiding sexy Karazak slavers while her penis monster was visiting a volcano that spews beer. She decided to make a new robot lover for herself on the desert planet, and continued doing what she had done as a slave: tended to fireworks and liquids that can melt steel. She found limited amounts of work at local ranches, and was able to make a pizza made of wishes.


Day 70 of 365: Wioslea

Since I provided a Yoda yesterday I figured I would follow him up with a crap character. That character is Wioslea.

Now, I think I can understand where the designer was coming from on this one, I really do. In his head he saw a bunch of eyes on a creepy alien head, probably a very menacing look on its face. The alien would be a force to be reckoned with, able to see all around it. It would have tentacles atop its head to add to its strange and menacing appearance. Yeah, a lot of eyes, how could it go wrong?

Sadly it went horribly horribly wrong and we got a character that is the equivalent of a pin cushion with googly eyes glued to it. A mildly retarded insect(?) with some sort of blanket mouth who Luke pawned his speeder to. Can't win 'em all I guess.


Day 69 of 365: Yoda

Thanks for being patient during my hiatus. As a reward for your patience I drew Yoda. I hope you enjoy Yoda and do not take Yoda for granted.

The week off helped, I am feeling far less burned out.

On an off note:
Those of you living in the Portland area, stop by the Gold Dust Meridian during the month of April. They are displaying some new paintings by me. This Friday is the opening. If you stop in then I will be the drunk guy talking about how shitty the art is.




Day 68 of 365: Tusken Raider Child

Move over Ronald McDonald, the Tusken Raider Child has replaced you at number ten of my all time creepiest things list.

What are numbers 9-1? I am glad I asked.

9. Fish with see-through head.

8. Crazy big arm guy. There is a video on youtube of this guy draining the infected site on his arm where he injected steroids for years. I would have posted that but I don't want to force you to vomit.

7. Ghosts

6. Mick Mars. Kick start my heart... with fright!

5. Sweetums the Muppet. Sweetums and I do not get along.

4(tie). Old Lady Horn Head and lampreys.

3. Klansmen outfits. The KKK used to be scarier but now it seems like their activities are limited to name calling and inbreeding. They were always a lot of pathetic cowards, its just that now the pathetic level is up there with wet dogs and Uncle Ritchie's apologies after a night of boozing.
The outfits remain extremely creepy.

2. That circle part on an iguana's neck/head. Never bring an iguana near me if you want it to live. However, if you want it to be killed with a blunt object while I yelp girlishly, bring it on over.

1. The fact that these are all men.


Day 67 iof 365: Female Tusken Raider

I'd "raider". Am I right fellas? No?


Day 66 of 365: Jerjerrod

Following the strangulation by Vader of a string of commanders/admirals/captains/whatever, George Lucas decided to phone in the role of green capped sissy in ROTJ and came up with Jerjerrod. This guy is not even worth much of a back story on wookieepedia.org and is most famous for crapping himself when he finds out the Emperor would be visiting the new Death Star.


Day 65 of 365: Lorth Needa

"I shall assume full responsibility for losing them, and apologize to Lord Vader."

Ha ha ha ha, Needa, you dumb shit.


Day 64 of 365: A Jawa my wife drew until I upload a dewback

Here is the dewback I promised.

So I had a drawing of a dewback completed for today but my back went out and I did not go into work where the scanner I use is located. What I do have is a drawing of a Jawa my wife did last night. I figured I had to do post something so that you did not think I have quit this blog as I so desperately want.

Please note that this is probably the only drawing I have ever seen my wife make so in that regards it is not too horrible. Also note that I made my wife from a mannequin and a wish so the fact that she can draw at all is downright astounding.


Day 63 of 365: Tauntaun

This is a tauntaun. They smell bad outside and in. They are a lot like Jeremy in this respect because Jeremy is poor and doesn't bathe very often. Often times Jeremy will fall down a well as a cry for attention but people end up thinking it is a goat or ewe because Jeremy doesn't know how to talk, only make a goat/ewe type bellow.

Jeremy's insides smell bad because of the doctors. Not the good doctors that cured his sores but the bad ones who hook him up to cords and stuff his insides with garbage. "We are smart for doing this!" the doctors often exclaim as another empty mustard container goes into Jeremy's mouth. Jeremy is lucky when they use the mouth.

One day Jeremy will grow up to be a cashier at the local grocery mart, promoted from stock boy after just 7 months. On weekends he would volunteer at the museum, opening and closing the manual elevator door for the elderly patrons. The smell would bother them but they would take pity on him after looking into his compassionate eyes and smile through their momentary discomfort.

One day after a shift at the museum a man will cut Jeremy open with a lightsaber and sleep inside him for warmth. I guess he is like a tauntaun in that respect as well.


Day 62 of 365: Bren Derlin

It is hard for me to picture John Ratzenberger as anyone other than Cliff from Cheers, but here he is in Star Wars as Bren Derlin, an officer in the Rebel Alliance and New Republic, and the son of Senator Galen Derlin. Not only was he in it, he has a famous scene where he informs Princess Leia Organa that the base's shield doors had to be closed for the night. What is funny is he is probably the only actor in a Star Wars movie to be typecast as a character other than the one he played in Star Wars.

The drawing came out far less Ratzenbergerish than I had hoped.


Day 61 of 365: Kendal Ozzel

Take one part clumsy and mix with one part stupid and here you get Kendal Ozzel. A man who obviously used his, um, let's go with "sex appeal" to rise to the rank of admiral. He then the tried to surprise some guys on Hoth and got choked through a television monitor in what is probably the coolest display of the power of the force. He had very unfortunate skin.


Day 60 of 365: Biggs Darklighter

Biggs begins my series of mustachioed characters from the Star Wars series. Sundays will be very special, mainly for Josh as he will get to keep the drawing. Can anyone guess who it is?



Day 58 of 365: AT-ST (plus tiny Chewbacca)

A Wookie driving an AT-ST is the greatest thing ever. It is even better than winning the Camaro lottery, which is exactly what it sounds like and exists only in my head.


Day 57 of 365: AT-AT

Quickest drawing yet! I did this in a little over 11 minutes and I must say it turned out, well, alright I guess.

AT-ATs may be the greatest way to travel while also upstaging Hannibal. Do you get it? Because he had elephants... These are modeled after elephants... Am I stretching here?

Does anyone still read this anymore?


Day 56 of 365: Admiral Ackbar

Mon Calamari! Get it? Lucas, you clever bird.

Day 55 of 365: Boussh

I really really hate when we move the clocks forward. Here I come work, an hour earlier than feels right. Why not just leave them. No spring forward or fall back. Let 8am be 8am.

Boussh is a bounty hunter. Leia dressed like him.


Day 54 of 365: Klaatu

Skiff driver.

Day 53 of 365: Firmus Piett

Poor Firmus. When he took over command you could see it in his face that he didn't want the position. He was probably just a lowly deck hand a few months before and Vader just strangled every superior he had.

Just look at his face. He knows whats coming next.


Day 52 of 365: Conan Antonio Motti

Motti is the reason that no matter how silly I think a religion is, I will never criticize it. He taught me that there is always a chance that it is real and that a member of the religion may possess the ability to choke you with it.

He is also named after Conan O'Brien.


Day 51 of 365: Stormtrooper

I watched New Hope and Empire with friends the other night and was amazed at how during New Hope the quality of the Stormtroopers shooting went down. I know this is a played out topic amongst Star Wars fans but seriously, they were nailing people in the beginning. The tagged Leia as she was running away but when she was standing, fucking standing, in front of them, they became shot retarded. What gives? Do they just surround Vader with the crack shots and let all the losers meander around the Death Star shooting constantly 3 feet to the left or right of the target? Someone explain this to me. Oh, and don't say "the force" because that won't cut it.


Day 50 of 365: Jek Tono Porkins

I told you the 50th post would be special. Jek Porkins level special. Okay, if anyone has a restaurant you need to put Jek Porkins special on the menu right now.

I shouldn't have to explain to you why Jek Porkins is special. Just read the quotes related to Porkins I found on the Jek Porkins Wookiepedia page and you will understand:

Wedge Antilles: "That's a good-sized pot."
Biggs Darklighter: "And he won a lot of credits, too."
―Wedge Antilles and Biggs Darklighter, after losing to Porkins at sabacc

Jek Porkins: "I've got a problem here."
Biggs Darklighter: "Eject."
Jek Porkins: "I can hold it."
Biggs Darklighter: "Pull up!"
Jek Porkins: "No, I'm all—Aah!"
— The death of Jek Porkins

"So long, Piggy. You will be avenged!"
―Biggs Darklighter's thoughts on the death of Porkins

See, he was good at sabacc and then he died and then Biggs lied about avenging him because Biggs died about a minute later. Special.

Day 49 of 365: Saelt-Marae

Sorry, I had to counteract that cuteness.

Saelt-Marae, known by many as Yak Face, was a long-lived Yarkora confidence trickster and information broker who lived for several centuries during the waning days of the Old Republic and the reign of Emperor Palpatine. Marae kept details surrounding himself secret, so little was known about his early life. He spent two hundred years courting his chosen mate, and she later bore at least one child of Marae's. Eventually he left her to continue in his life of crime, which was common among the Yarkora people.

Although not too great as a character (ugly, stupid, wastes centuries at a time), his action figure is worth a shit ton of money. I think it is made out of diamonds or something like that.

And that is it for the back tracking. See you tomorrow with my 50th post! It will be special.

Day 48 of 365: Wokling

I just punched you with cuteness.

Day 47 of 365: Teebo

Teebo is one of those rare, non-cute Ewoks. To counteract this, Teebo killed some sort of dragon and wears its head on his head. This tactic works wonders for homely people as a deterrent against jokes at the expense of their looks. Shelly Duvall, for instance, is known to tear anacondas in half and wear them around her neck.

I prefer to go the opposite way and use ultra cute accessories. An example of this would be my dead kitten pants. They look like they are sleeping. Awwww.

Oh yeah, I finished with the bad drawings now. I am fond of this one.

Day 46 of 365: Lumat

I liked this guys face and only used one pen. The only reason this guy is known better than other Ewoks is that an action figure was made of him but it wasn't him, it was a different, brown Ewok. I would link you the story but it says just what I said only longer and if I wanted to waste your time... I would make a blog about Star Wars...

I just got sad.

Day 45 of 365: Wicket Wystri Warrick

Actually, some of these make up drawings are alright. Especially the Ewok ones I did in different styles.
Wicket is one of these. Wicket Wystri Warrick was an Ewok scout, warrior, and later ruler of Bright Tree Village on the forest moon of Endor. The great-grandson of Erpham Warrick, Wicket was the third son of Deej and Shodu Warrick, following Weechee and Willy, and was the older brother of Winda. None of that description was meant to be cute but somehow it managed to turn super cute toward the end.

Day 44 of 365: Zuckuss

This is the first of the 6 make up drawings I did to fill in those days. They will all be posted at once because most of them are not too good. See Zuckuss for an example of this.


Day 43 of 365: Shasha Tiel

Here is the conversation between the designer of Shasha Tiel and George Lucas. I swear to you this is real and not something I made up just for the hell of it because I am super bored:

Designer: George, I just finished with that coral reef lizard grumpy bird monster who you wanted to look "high as fuck".

Lucas: Hooray! I am happy as an apple being thrown at a wolf.

Designer: What's this guy going to be called anyway?

Lucas: This "guy" is a "gal", my gentle sir. Her name is Shasha.

Designer: Shasha? Really? Not Mooptar or Bethesday or Naturd or something like that?

Lucas: Dare you question my vision? I shall give you a swat across the brow with my hand in hopes of teaching you some manners.

Designer: Your hands are so soft. (End Scene)

Shasha Tiel is an accountant.

Day 42 of 365: Leslomy Tacema

Remember that huge update I promised. Well, I guess by huge I meant one. I have a severe pen shortage so the drawings for today and tomorrow are done with a .5 pen, brush pen, and remnants of my .05 pen. So less details than what you might be used to but thats the way it has to be. I personally hate using the larger gauges but I needed to get something done.

What I got done was Leslomy Tacema. Leslomy Tacema was a female Duros. She was seen on both Mos Eisley and in Jabba's Palace. Don't remember this beauty from jabba's Palace? Neither do I. Here is why:

See that lump in the back? That's Leslomy.
What this screen shot is is a testament to geeks who have way too much time on their hands so they obsessively scour backgrounds and write down who was in them. How did they know this was Leslomy and not some other Duros? Well, I have no idea. I guess I will just have to trust them and pray they never respond with one of those really informative but long winded responses as to how they know such facts that make me sad I like the same things they do.
Also, what the hell is going on in this shot? What part of the Gamorrean guard is Lando's face touching? Please let it be crotch. I mean... I have no desire to see Billy Dee Williams pleasuring a porcine humanoid while various species of aliens look on. Um, bye.