As not to forget todays drawing, I did it right after Bossk. This drawing took me way less time and is now one of my favorites. Yes, I am biased as on some days (Doriito Sundae Mondays) I tend to resemble this humble and affectionate rancor keeper but really I like the way this turned out. I think it captures the shock that comes when a Jedi kills your monster. It is the same face I made when Kit Fisto punched my cat in the face.
For those of you who do not know (all of you I am guessing) my grandfather passed away on Tuesday. I am currently in the homeland of Indiana for the next few days, so if I miss a post you now know why. That is also why I didn't make with the funny for Bubo yesterday.
I am torn right now. Should I go lowbrow and make the penis jokes or should I take the high road and try something more clever? On the one hand, I do not want to take the easy way out and I know that my parents sometimes read what their strange obsessive son is up to now a days, so that's a negative for the dick jokes. On the other hand, it is early, and if you were paying attention you would know I am lazy...
Okay, I just found this:
and now I will let you make up your own penis jokes because this thing is a penis with a mouth.
Oh, for some reason I can't read the comment from yesterday. Leave it again today but preface it with something like "Not penis joke"
Gartogg was one of Jabba the Hutt's nine Gamorrean guards. He was stupid even for a Gamorrean and had a knack for coming across murdered corpses. In this sense he was much like Angela Lansbury in Murder She Wrote. Not the fact that Angela Lansbury's character alway stumblesd upon a murder week after week, but that Jessica Fletcher was mildly retarded.
Happy Valentines day, Nerds.
I was going to do the bikini Leia but I am far less shallow. Plus, that was not the Leia I fell in love with. This Leia, New Hope Leia, was the one I fell in love with. Strong willed, defiant, beautiful. Luke was innocent and bumbling, Han was a dick, Leia was the strength of the group.
This was Tim's guess and the final Cantina character from the list of all the guesses. Aside from "weird flute guy", I mean.
This is Reegesk. He is a rat man not unlike Splinter or Paris Hilton (If you did not know, Paris Hilton has a weird rat face. When you type his name into the Google search engine you get asked by Google "Did you mean: Regis?" Here is my response to google in letter form that I will never send:
No, I did not mean Regis. In fact, I will never mean Regis. I am insulted that a) You assume I am such a terrible speller that I somehow though that "Reegesk" was the phonetic way of spelling Regis and b)that you think I would be doing a search for Regis.
Google, I thought you knew me better than that.
You know I am not a 3 year old and have excellent spelling abilities, the spelling abilities of a 10 - 12 year old in fact. You also know how much I hate Regis Philbin and would never intend to type his name into you. Yes I know there is a college and a salon also named Regis, but think Google, why would I want those either? I have no intention of going to college again and I cut my own hair. You should know this because last week I typed in both "how to get out of paying student loans without going back to college" as well as "hats".
Maybe I haven't been good enough to you and this is your response to my abuse. Sure, I have searched for way too much "Elizabeth Shue nude" due to that Karate Kid fantasy no one knows about and there was that week where I was reading up all about Spider-Man's Clone Saga, and I know how much you, and by you I mean the search results that come up when you enter "Clone Saga", hate the Clone Saga. But I am flawed just like everyone else and I figured you would be able to get past this.
Maybe our time has come to part ways. I am going to experiment with Yahoo! for a bit. They don't ask if I mean "Regis". They pay attention to me.
What is it about a Gonk droid that makes me so happy? Does it's shape remind me of waste disposal, thus making me joyous I live in a land where I can throw out anything I want. Whether it be batteries or oil. dreams or fire, the trash is where it can be placed when one wants it to become not their problem.
Is it it's legs and the fact that this makes it clear there is a midget inside? Does this inject humanity into an otherwise cold and lifeless vessel. And at those legs are two adorable feet. I do enjoy things that are adorable.
Is it the noise? The gentle "GONK" that sound slightly aloof, yet still hopeful. Is it this that reminds me of a 7th grader at a school dance in 1995. There he is, slightly overweight, hair parted perfectly down the middle, JNCO jeans frayed at the bottom, mustering up courage to ask a girl to dance. The boy is sweating due to the crowd and feels this will make the acne stand out even more. The Boyz to Men song is nearing the halfway point and it is time to find someone not taken by the far more handsome and socially adept lads in the gym cleverly decorated to resemble an aquarium or something. There is a lady over there, she is with friends and they are coming back from the bathroom. Move now, boy! Strike before the kid who is way too tall with the giant head gets there. Yes, you are asking her. Alright, you stammered a bit and your voice cracked but that's not a total deal breaker. She said yes! And with a minute to spare! Now you don't have to stand next to that kid in the sweat pants who still thinks girls are icky. If only you can prevent a boner, you are in the clear.
Pons Limbic, known by the nickname "Braniac" by the smuggler Boshek, was a male Siniteen who was present in Chalmun's Cantina when Luke Skywalker and Han Solo met for the first time. BoShek gave him that name because he could calculate hyperspace jumps without any help of a navigation computer. Wait, really? Because he could calculate hyperspace jumps? Not the giant brain head? Alright, whatever you say Wookiepedia. Maybe its not a brain head and Pons just had that one type of cancer. You know, super all over head cancer.
Well, you all lost. As a consolation, I will draw every character you guessed for this upcoming week. This is not much of a consolation since you don't really get anything, but it is good for me because I don't have to think.
On to Kabe. . .
Kabe is Muftak's adopted daughter. Thats right daughter, this thing is a lady. The thing is also a drunk and would get so hammered that Muftak would have to carry her home after a night of drinking at the Cantina. So in addition to being a lady, Kabe is my kind of lady. This also makes Muftak that father who let his 15 year old drink in the basement. While it was cool at first it just became creepy as time went on. All the friends who were initially thrilled with the idea would eventually depart permanently. The father would go on to destroy his marriage and form a bond with the son based solely on alcohol. Fueled by liquor the two would try various hair brained schemes to make money and listen to the Steve Miller band on a almost constant basis. Hitting bars to pick up women was a common endeavor for the two but it never produced many results as their method of approach was filled with clumsy pick-up lines and slurred speech. Eventually the father would develop a liver disease and the son, balding and overweight at the age of 30, would have to say good-bye to the dad the only way he knew how, a bottle of whiskey and a complete lack of emotion. On his own now, the son would have nothing to do but cruise around pissing away what little inheritance he had received, eventually selling the condo in Miami for far less than it was worth. Using the condo money as a seed, the son would attempt to begin a karaoke business. He would be bankrupt in 4 months. Alone, he would spend the rest of his days crying into a bottle in the dingy motel where he hired his first prostitute years back, during what he always thought of as better days but he now realized were empty and meaningless and the foundation on which he built his mansion of sorrow.
Hey, I never said these things were supposed to be funny.
Here is my favorite excerpt from wookiepedia on this guy:
"Malloc stayed on Tatooine, where he lived under the alias of 'Labria' to avoid bounty hunters. The term was an obscene one in Devaronese, meaning 'cold food'."
So old Cold Food here is another in my Cantina series. If you can guess who from the Cantina I am going to post tomorrow, you get to choose a character of your choice for me to draw and then I will give it to you. Hint: its not a main character, those are reserved for holidays.
To continue with the Cantina theme I have going this week, here is Dannik Jerriko. Here's a fun fact about Dannik: He drinks brain matter. I just found that out. All this time I viewed him as a smarmy pseudo-intellectual who sits at a bar and smokes a hookah all day while summarizing Kafka based on what the book jacket said. But no, this guy is like a zombie vampire hybrid. Hats off to you, Dannik Jerriko.
You know what? Han didn't shoot first. Take all of those t-shirts and burn them because they are wrong. Wrong. You know why they are so wrong? Because Han did not shoot first, he was the only shooter. I guess technically the only person to do something was also the first to do it but when you kill the person who you are shooting first against, you do not really give the chance for that person to then come in second. It would be like me claiming to come in first in a eat 3 boxes of donettes while watching Cartoon Network for 9 straight hours contest. Does this make any sense? No? Well, now I am going to talk about Burger King.
In 2005 Burger King did something awesome. Then they went and did something that pissed me off. Actually, they didn't go and do it. They did it at the same time, it just took me awhile to get pissed off. First, the awesome. They released about 40 toys over the course of 6 weeks. Myself, Peter and Josh made it a quest to get all of them. This goal began immediately after this:
So, unfortunate Leia aside, you could safely say we were primed to waste a summer having Burger King poops in order to get every toy possible while also setting amazing records on Super Punch Out and not sleeping. It was a great summer.
What pissed me off came after all the toys were collected. It seems Burger King does not feel Greedo or Lando was worthy of a toy. Super Battle Droid? Sure give him one. Jimmy Smits? You got it! Watto? Yes, indeed! Greedo? No! Lando? NO!
Its not like these characters are beloved and awesome and not sucky battle droids. I was pissed to the point of expressing my anger to the lady at the counter at a BK in South Bend, IN. While I was met with only confusion, it made me feel a bit better. I then stole a Darth Vader decal from the window and ran for it, 32 oz of soda in hand.
Whew, I made it!
As a celebration for me actually getting today's drawing done and uploaded, let us reminisce about our favorite racist bartender from a galaxy far far away, Wuher. Um. . . lets see . . . Well, he doesn't serve droids. . . and, uh. . . Ok, I'm done.
I am super sick right now. Fever, coughing, phlegm, I have it all. What that means is I will not be able to get to a scanner tonight to scan in tomorrow's image. Hopefully I will feel better and be able to do it after work tomorrow and the post will be up by 6:30 pm. If I don't I will figure out a way to get the drawing to you, my adoring public.
Ah, another Cantina patron. These fellows and the folks on Jabba's barge/in Jabba's palace are going to save my ass down the line.
What I am really finding amazing while doing this is that even though some of these characters appeared for just a few seconds in the films, they still have extensive back stories. Take Mosep for example. He was in the Cantina and you saw him for maybe a second in the background. Yet some how we know he is an accountant, in charge of Jabba's financial affairs, is a hard and loyal worker and has penises for fingers.